Unresolved in 2014

New Year's Day is THE day. The day that so many of us resolve to change our lives and our selves for the better. If I were to actually list all of the things that I need to change, we'd be here for days. No lie. Maybe weeks. Like much of the world population (only 8% according to Forbes magazine), I have never been good at keeping or achieving resolutions. So this year, I am not making any. Resolutions, that is. Changes, on the other hand, I would definitely like to see. Like being a better, more consistent blogger. 

Some of the areas that I want to see a shift in, and that I plan to blog more about, are (in no specific order)...

• my body (and body image), of course
• with the help of Plexus Slim
• hitting up the gym more consistently
• productivity
• accomplishing things at all times...even when sitting still (crafts, blogging, school work)
• FINISHING what I start
• my relationship with God
• has been non-existent, and I am ready for that to change
• myself in my marriage
• hard to explain...it's a blogpost in itself
• my savings account!
• myself in my profession
• TESS
• self-fulfillment
• if I am better at what I do, my students are better at what they do, right?
• socialization
• I have no life
• I need to get a life
• being more organized
• streamlining my household
• a more organized classroom (oh, that closet of mine)
• being a better parent

And the list could go on and on, but I will cease and desist with those. The first bloggy change you may notice is that I hope to do a Sunday Strategy every week. This weekly post will help me stay on track with a plan for each week. I already spend Sunday evenings doing school planning, why not add an hour devoted to 'life' planning? 

If you have resolutions, what are they? Are you a resolution keeper or a resolution breaker?

Oh, and 

Happy New Year 2014!!!

The Most Offensive Phrase EVER.

It has no 'ugly' words. It is only said to/about women and girls. It is supposedly meant as a compliment. It hurts like hell. It is the worst thing you could ever say to me. EVER.

"She has such a pretty face."

Damn that's harsh. You've heard it. You may have said it. I am ashamed to say that I have. Even as a fat girl. It's just one of those things. You may truly think you are giving someone a compliment...but even the best of intentions can go horribly awry. This is one of them.  

Yes, it makes me angry when I hear it. However, I guess it is better to be pretty somewhere, rather than to be ugly everywhere. Unfortunately, everyone knows that this little jab encased in a false compliment, is always followed by a 'but.' And no, it ISN'T the same type of 'butt' that follows me everywhere I go. I call her J'Lo, and she jiggles like jell-o. It IS the kind of 'but' that means, "I said something semi-nice, so that I could follow it up with something excessively snarky."

You know, I didn't even like that little saying when I was skinny. Now that I am 'unskinny,' it really sucks. However, as you can tell from my 'See Me Shrink' page, (if you can tell it's top from it's bottom), I am making progress. And lots of it! Look at this 'pretty face.'

taken Christmas Day 2012

Guarantee you noticed how round that face is, and how wide the ass is. Yes, there are pretty features on the face. The rest is a tub o' lard. But look at the 'prettier' face now.

taken February 2, 2013

I see cheekbones again!!! And NO double chin!!! Notice the shoulders getting a bit more narrow!!! Now check out the littler big picture...

taken February 24, 2013
(please ignore the dirty laundry, we had all the kids that weekend...laundry hits the back burner)

In the words of Dr. Sheldon Cooper, "Bazinga!!!" Nothing is nearly as wide as it was. Cheekbones are more prominent, pants are almost falling off (I did have to buy new ones), oh, and I see a jawline!!!

Hot Damn!

Who is definitely becoming more than 'such a pretty face?'

THIS GIRL, THAT'S WHO!

Hall of Fame

Yeah, you can be the greatest
You can be the best
You can be the King Kong banging on your chest

You could beat the world
You could beat the war
You could talk to God, go banging on his door

You can throw your hands up
You can beat the clock (yeah)
You can move a mountain
You can break rocks
You can be a master
Don't wait for luck
Dedicate yourself and you gon' find yourself

Standing in the hall of fame (yeah)
And the world's gonna know your name (yeah)
'Cause you burn with the brightest flame (yeah)
And the world's gonna know your name (yeah)
And you'll be on the walls of the hall of fame

This song seems to be the theme song for all graduation and banquet slideshows this year. And it brings me to tears every single time. But then I heard it on my way home the other day and got to thinking about how it could apply to parents. How many times have I done just this...

You can go the distance
You can run the mile
You can walk straight through hell with a smile

And then I realized that if you asked Lefty and Boo, they would say I have done exactly this...

You could be the hero
You could get the gold
Breaking all the records they thought never could be broke

Yeah, do it for your people
Do it for your pride
How you ever gonna know if you never even try?

Do it for your country
Do it for your name
'Cause there's gonna be a day...

So is there a Hall of Fame for parents? For single parents? For the parent that tries their damnedest to hold their family together? Does it matter if the world knows your name? I don't particularly care, as long as my babies think that I belong there.

When you're standing in the hall of fame (yeah)
And the world's gonna know your name (yeah)
'Cause you burn with the brightest flame (yeah)
And the world's gonna know your name (yeah)
And you'll be on the walls of the hall of fame

Be a champion, be a champion, be a champion, be a champion
On the walls of the hall of fame

These are roles that all parents fill. 

Every. Single. Minute. Of. Every. Single. Day.

Be students

(we learn from our children)

Be teachers

(we teach our children)

Be politicians

(we negotiate and debate with our children)

Be preachers

(we guide our children)

Be believers

(we know our children can do anything)

Be leaders

(we lead our children by example)

Be astronauts

(we build rockets from boxes for our children)

Be champions

(in our children's eyes, we can't lose)

Be truth seekers

(our honesty breeds honest children)

So yeah, we are all...

Standing in the hall of fame (yeah, yeah, yeah)
And the world's gonna know your name (yeah, yeah, yeah)
'Cause you burn with the brightest flame (yeah, yeah, yeah)
And the world's gonna know your name (yeah, yeah, yeah)
And you'll be on the walls of the hall of fame

And we can...

(You can be a champion)
You could be the greatest
(You can be a champion)
You can be the best
(You can be a champion)
You can be the king kong banging on your chest

(You can be a champion)
You could beat the world
(You can be a champion)
You could beat the war
(You can be a champion)
You could talk to God, go banging on his door

(You can be a champion)
You can throw your hands up
(You can be a champion)
You can beat the clock
(You can be a champion)
You can move a mountain
(You can be a champion)
You can break rocks

(You can be a champion)
You can be a master
(You can be a champion)
Don't wait for luck
(You can be a champion)
Dedicate yourself and you gon' find yourself
(You can be a champion)

Standing in the hall of fame

The Script

Say It

This song was playing a few days ago, and it got me thinking about how many times I haven't said what needed to be said. I used to speak my mind very freely. Having children tempered that a little bit I guess. Being with Chris tempered it a little more. Now there are very few times that I saw what I think or what I think should be said.

I don't know if it is better to speak your mind or to keep things in. A healthy balance is probably the right thing to do, but who the hell has time to decide when to put a lid on it?!?! For me, I think I have become a people pleaser...sort of. I don't want to hurt those that I love, so I just don't address things that bother me. They never know, so they don't get hurt. It probably isn't great for my health, but hey, at least someone's happy, right?

When do I bottle things up the most? At work probably. I get so irritated at so many of the parents of my students sometimes. Being in a very rural area, there are extremely poor families. This tends to equate to neglected kiddos. It pisses me off to no end. Mostly because I have been there. I have been so poor that I had to beg my mom to pay my water or electric bill so that my babies would have heat and water. But by God, they were never allowed to suffer or even do without. If I had to clean toilets for my family members for my girls to see a doctor or have medicine, then so be it. I always came up with a way. They never even knew how badly off we were and how hard it was for me at times just to feed them, much less handle birthdays and holidays. It used to scare terrify me to the core when there were breaks in the school year like spring break, because I never was sure how I would keep them well-fed during the entire break without school breakfast and lunch to help get us through. How can you let your kids suffer? How do you see them burn the skin off of their leg, to the bone, and cover it with a dry diaper for God's sake (no ointment) before sending them to school? Seriously, I had this happen just a couple of years ago...I had to tell the mom to come get her and she couldn't return to school without a doctor's note...just so that we knew she had been to get the burn treated. Really? How the @$#@ do you do that to a five year old and think it's okay? Oh and, occasionally I get frustrated with my co-workers as well, but who doesn't? In order to keep things as peaceful as possible in the work place, I just stay in my classroom. It doesn't always work, and there have been some really bad spells. There are so many things that I would like to say. But I don't. Ulcer in the making? Probably. Or a heart attack. Stress at work last year put an extra 13 pounds on me...which I have lost in the last three months (kudos to me, yes).

At home, I can usually say whatever. Mostly though, I don't. I usually don't have to. Anyway...

"Say what you need to say"

Spring Cleaning, Technology Style!

This week, I have been spending a considerable amount of time online. WAYYY more than normal. Why? Well, you see, I discovered a website with fantastic resources for teaching and I have been devouring it! The downside of all of this resource finding is the inordinate amount of printing that goes along with it. All of the ink it is using...and the time that it takes to wait for the documents to print.  To make use of the time spent waiting, I have had time to cruise blogs and catch up on reading posts by bloggers that I love (and some new ones too).

In the midst of my cruising, I was disappointed to find that several of these blogs were no longer active. Some weren't even found on the server any longer. Others had been changed from public to private. And still other blogs had changed dramatically. They no longer had legit posts. It was amazing how many terrific blogs had gone from great reads to constant give-aways or to primarily review blogs. I have no interest in reading these...I want content!!! It was time to clean up the list. I decided to do this systematically, so here's how it went:

• Access blogroll through my Google Reader.
• Clean out the reader itself! (it was a MESS; I neglect it as much as I do my blogroll)
• Start at the top of the list of blogs that I have followed over the past year and a half. There were 101.
• Open all of the ones that begin with 'a,' and skim over them one at a time. If the posts still interested me, or warranted more than just a quick glance...in other words, they had some meat to them...then they stayed on the list. If they didn't, well, adios! 
• Go through the entire list in the same fashion. When I was finished (after two days of skimming and reading), my list of favorite blogs was reduced from 101 to 59! Now there is much more room for me to add more lovelies to my reading list!

 So after doing this cleaning, the multiple deletions got me to thinking. Why would a blogger change styles so dramatically in such a short span of time? Hey, I know that life gets in the way of quality blog posts on occasion...well...maybe more on several or many occasions, but isn't quality always better than quantity? I realize too, that some bloggers are number hungry; waiting on the edge of their seats for the next follower to appear on their followers list. Okay, if that's your thing, more power to ya'! To me though, if a reader is on my list just so that I will follow back...not cool. I want readers to read and enjoy or gain insight from my posts. I know I am not a post writing genius by any means, but still...is the number really more important than the relationship that can develop from sincere readership? Maybe I am way off base here, you tell me...

Challenge Day 27/30...Black and White

This may be the toughest post of the entire challenge for me. A problem I have had. Hmm. I have had my share. Probably more than my fair share, and more likely than not, they have been brought upon myself by myself! The biggest problem area in my life is in relationships. With everyone. 


I have a tendency to see things in black and white. No shades of gray. Don't get me wrong, I think that gray is a fabulous color...on cats, in clothing...but not in situations and circumstances. When confronted with issues, I typically see things as right or wrong. Not much in between. And I don't tend to guard my tongue when asked for an opinion. Believe it or not, that causes a lot of bridges to be burned. I am very cut to the chase and precise in everything I do. Don't ask if you don't want what I see as truth to be told. If you don't want me to think the worst of you or someone else, then don't constantly show or tell me bad things about you or them. If I think you are using me or being dishonest with me, I'm done. And I will let you know fully why I am done.


While these personality traits don't win or keep many friends around, they do ensure that the people around me are genuine. Anyone that is real enough to put up with my OCD nature and tolerates my need to be in control, is real enough to cause me to want to make time to develop a relationship with. That does not happen very often. So I guess the problem is that my personality does not generate a lot of lasting friendships. Thank God for Chris, or I'd be a lonely mess! There are times that my lack of true friends bothers me. Most of the time, however, I am pretty happy to be without drama and without feeling the need to satisfy other people. It seems I may need to prepare for a life as a hermit. Maybe when I am old, I will be the old cat lady. :-)

Challenge Day 20/30...I'm A Teacher For Heaven's Sake!

Of course I think that education is important. Very important. I think that every person has the capability to become educated...perhaps not to the same degree as the next person or the person before...but educated in some manner. Sometimes the highest level of education is learning life skills; sometimes it is training to be an astro-physicist; sometimes it is educated in less desirable skills...street smarts. For the most part, children value what their parents value...whether they realize/admit it or not. If parents are learners, children typically will be curious and interested in learning new things as well.

The workforce is becoming increasingly more competitive year after year. Colleges and prospective employers look at GPAs, extracurricular involvement, community service, and how much time/effort/consistency/commitment was devoted to the various activities. The desirable students/employees are the ones that have been trained in college and career preparatory course work; students that seek out opportunities to enhance their learning and performance. Employees that have been around awhile without furthering their education or having some professional development along the way may get pushed aside, to make way for some young up and comer that does have all of the 'new' knowledge of how things work and should be done. Technology is a prime example of a skill that young workers have, but old-timers may be lacking in. Be vigilant about education...strengthen your brain...grow some brain cells!!! They may die if you don't use them...the brain needs exercise just as much as the rest of your body!

At a different level, and more personally, I am a lifelong learner. I love to learn new things. My nose is typically in a book (kindle) or googling something. Lefty is the same way. I love that she loves to learn the way I do. I feel stagnant when I am not actively learning something new. It may be a new skill, new information, or just an extension of something that I already knew...but I feel better about myself...more excited and alive...when my brain is engaged. Both of my parents are educators; my dad has multiple master's degrees. I was raised hearing jokes about 'professional college students' (the ones that keep going back for more...they never are done). That will be me. I have already started work on my first master's...took a break to get settled in my Knight Life...but am getting the itch to start up again. The mind is feeling idle.

I believe that I am rambling. I probably shouldn't have even started this post, as I know that I am not doing it justice! I have tired eyes...allergies...must get rest...

Quilt class starts tomorrow!!! Once again, learning something new!!!

Challenge Day 19/30...Parents

The instruction for today's challenge simply says "disrespecting your parents." Now I am not quite sure if that means that I am supposed to disrespect them here on my blog, or if I am supposed to tell my thoughts about being disrespectful to parents. I was raised to be respectful of everyone, all of the time, so I don't think I can do the disrespecting part. I will just say this...children today are not expected to respect anyone. Not even themselves. It is very difficult to try to teach a group of 5 and 6 year olds that have not been taught the value/meaning/necessity of respect. They don't respect their parents, so they certainly don't come to the classroom knowing how to respect any person of authority. It doesn't seem to get much better as they get older from what I observe by watching the students of other grades in the building and at bus duty. I have seen children (age 5) hit their mother, scream at their grandparents, and throw themselves in the floor...yes, in front of everyone...refusing to do as they are asked...on a regular basis. It is disheartening. Children need guidance. They need an adult presence. They do not need someone that is going to just be their buddy. If you teach them from an early age to love and respect you and your rules and/or expectations...they will be your forever friend, loving and respecting you in return. Show them how to handle mistakes with grace. They will know that they can depend on you and trust you to do the right thing...and they will know what the right thing is from watching your example. 

Honesty.

Guidelines.  

Commitment. 

Follow through. 

High expectations.

Dependability. 

Reliability.

Firmness. 

Respect.

Challenge Day 3/30...Views on Drugs and Alcohol

Ok...drugs I have zero experience with. I am not sure that I even know anyone that's just completely screwed up due to drugs. I know that I always heard so-and-so was hard core into drugs and such, but who really knows what others do unless you see it? That being said, I can't say much about that aspect except for what I see as a kindergarten teacher.

I see a five year old little boy that doesn't get to see his mother and has no idea who his father is...because she was too worried about her next fix. I am having to teach that little boy that he doesn't have to eat food off of the floor anymore...there is food available and prepared for him. I see 4, 5, and 6 year olds that can't function without twitching or bouncing or twirling or coughing their lungs out because their parents weren't concerned about the effects that their choices would have on their unborn or newborn baby. Do I think much of drugs and those that abuse drugs? Nope. Not from the highly unglam view that I get to see it from. I try not to judge...really...I have no idea what drives people to use...but I do get angry. Because I do know that those little ones Did. Not. Choose. To. Exist. As. A. Drug. Baby. Or. To. Be. Abandoned. For. A. High.

Alcohol is a different story. I was raised to think drinking was a terrible thing. Something that good people didn't do, even in moderation. As an adult, I have had my ups and downs with booze. After my first divorce, I went overboard. I was drunk every night that the kids were gone. Falling. Down. Drunk. I couldn't stand to be without them. To have failed them...my parents...my self...So I drank until I was oblivious. Then, I scared myself. I woke up on the floor of the hallway, with a badly sprained wrist and an ankle that was cut open...and I had no recollection of anything. Thank goodness I was at home! I didn't drink again for a very long time after that night. I put myself through college, met husband #2, got a job teaching, and still wasn't drinking. Now it turns out, I CAN drink in moderation. And I enjoy it every now and then. Not as a substitute for anything, not as a medication; just to go out and have a drink on occasion. I am teaching my kids that moderation is ok when you are responsible enough to be smart about where, what, how much, and who you are with when you drink. I don't want them to think it is taboo like I did...then they will crave it even more! On a different side of the same token...because of the attitudes of our families, this is our liquor cabinet...

Obscure enough?

 And this is what is inside...

It looks a little sparse right now!

The Best of Intentions...

We've all heard the lines about where our intentions get us...such as, "the road to hell is paved with good intentions," "there's good deeds and there's good intentions; they are as far apart as Heaven and Hell," "I had great intentions, but look where they got me." I saw one today that made me stop and consider its place in my life. "Intentions are only as good as the actions behind them and the effort put forth to make them a reality." Hmm. I am great with intentions...terrible at action and effort, which could be much of the reason behind why I always feel like I am performing at less than my potential calls for.

Take my 'diets,' if you will. There is always an intention to be on a 'diet' or 'workout plan,' but rarely any action or effort consistently put forth to exact results from those...intentions. The same goes for my blogs. I love blogging. Really I do. I am constantly taking pictures or jotting down ideas for posts...and then y'all never see them. The intention to post often, even daily, is there...as is the desire...but the action and effort; well, that's another story! I used to have an excuse for why I didn't diet/exercise/blog/whatever...now I just have to 'fess up to the fact that I.AM.LAZY!

Can you imagine how much more productive we would all be (and I am speaking to myself as well when I say this) if every one of our intentions was backed by an effort equal to the passion we feel when we develop that initial thought of 'I want to, or I wish I...'??? With school lurking on the horizon again, I am feeling the urge to schedule and organize and have a routine again. Those things I am very good at. My goal for this year is to put forth an effort and action with each of my intentions...and see where I end up in May. Where will your intentions take you?

Striving Through Strife

Two words that have been weighing on me this past week are "strive" and "strife." There have been a few situations in my life lately that could be considered as "strife." When faced with those situations (difficult situations with co-workers, a bad situation at work, a personal situation, and a constant battle with myself), I had to ask myself if I wanted to be a person who stumbles through life in strife and negativity or someone who strives to rise above the bad situations and negative people to become a better me. For me, the answer is obvious. I have always been a person determined to become better from the circumstances that I find myself facing. Unfortunately, I do allow myself a good bit of bitching wallowing before I get stronger and better. This is the habit I must break. I. Must. Strive. Always.

Strive:
(as defined by dictionary.com)

1. Make great efforts to achieve or obtain something.

2. Struggle or fight vigorously: "scholars must strive against bias"
(as defined by merriam-webster.com)
1. to devote serious effort or energy : endeavor <strive to finish a project>.
2. to struggle in opposition : contend.

Strife:
(as defined by dictionary.com)
Angry or bitter disagreement over fundamental issues; conflict.  
(as defined by merriam-webster.com)
a : bitter sometimes violent conflict or dissension <political strife>
b : an act of contention : fight, struggle ...

"It is better to live in peace than in bitterness and strife” Confucious

“When good people have a falling out, only one of them may be at fault at first; but if the strife continues long, usually both become guilty.” Thomas Fuller

"He that is of a proud heart stirreth up strife: but he that putteth his trust in the Lord shall be made fat." (Proverbs 28:25)