Sunday, January 1, 2012
Happiness Is NOT a Choice.
I guess it might be for some people, but it is not a choice for me. I can't just think happy thoughts and become Perky Patty. It isn't something that I talk about much. I don't like to. But it really sucks to be sad and not know why. To be in a room full of people, but feel completely alone. To have no answer when someone asks what is wrong, or if I am okay. I don't feel okay, but I will get there. The past week has had me in a battle with myself, just willing my eyes not to cry. I am bitchy with people that I love, even more so lately. There's no reason. It just is what it is. I hate it when people say that you can choose to be happy. Not everyone has that option. I have everything that I could possibly hope for: a husband that is as close to perfect as a person can be; children that are smart, beautiful, and talented in many things; a job that gives me holidays at home and a few weeks off in the summer; no financial strain; a lovely home...truly, everything that I could want...more blessings than I deserve. I am content. And yet, that dark monster that I had eluded for so long has once again found me. Depression hurts. It is a fight. I battle it every day...I have overcome it before and I will defeat it again. There is no other option.