Friday, February 18, 2011

Attack of the Frogs!

Today's post is something that I really have an issue with. It is even difficult for me to use a photo. I was swallowing whimpers and vomit as I searched for one. Frogs. I am terrified of them. Usually the fear is paralyzing. Today, thankfully, it was not. It is my hope that my story will make someone smile...since the situation nearly made me cry...something good must come of it! My family certainly gets a laugh with each attack on my life. Killer frogs. I am sure that is what they are.

So the story begins about 20 years ago. I lived down the road from my Nanny and Pap. Picture it. A dirt road. Six houses on it. A pre-teen girl with an easy means of escape from the parental units: a mere walk to Nanny and Pap's haven. I spent much of my time there. Until the attacks began.

It was dusk, mid-summer, and I was walking to my getaway. Barefoot. On the dirt road. Not a care in the world. Until...squish. Yep. I said it. I had stepped on a frog. It made this awful croaking sound and squishing sound and crunching sound all at once...I suppose it was a frogly dying sound. I won't even attempt to describe the feeling under the ball of my foot. Terrible. Horrific. I began to scream. Couldn't. Move. What to do? Keep. Screaming. I figured if I screamed long enough, someone would come out and see who was killing me. Thankfully, someone did. Nanny. When she understood the problem, she got the car and rescued me from the would-be death valley for frogs. That was attack numero uno.

Because of the dirt road and the country atmosphere, the entire summer could actually have been considered the first attack. Consider sitting on the porch swing, and you can't let your feet down because if you do, the frogs will catch your scent and begin jumping onto the porch. Truly. They smelt my fear. It was the summer of my disillusionment with the country.

Attack number two could be any number of froggish nightmares over the years, but I will go with the attack in...the bathroom. Yes, you read correctly. The. Bathroom. At the house I now live in. Chris and I had just started dating. I hadn't been in the house more than a half dozen times. The bathroom was calling my name, so I stepped through the hall towards the kitchen on my way to the washroom. There was this blob of something on the floor, and I knew that Chris had been working in the yard that day, so I figured some mud had fallen off of his shoe. Not so. I round the corner and the damn blob jumped at me. Right at my feet. I swear, my feet are like frog magnets. Of course, I screamed. Thankfully, there was a chair about two steps away from me, and I was standing on top of it in about one fierce leap.  Screaming again. Chris was my savior that day. That frog was swiftly removed from the premises, and it took weeks before I could use that restroom again, and I STILL check the floor in that hallway before I walk through it. It happened like three years ago. And I still check.

The time of year is rapidly approaching when I absolutely detest recess duty. Why? Frogs. Kids catch the nasty creatures. Then they bring them to show the teacher. Which results in things jumping out of tiny hands towards scares me to death. And a rule as a teacher is 'show no fear or they will eat you.' The kids, not the frogs. Although, I think the frogs might try.

The most recent frogly attack on my being was today. It was one of those strange weather kind of days. The ones where you know it needs to storm, yet it just won't. Where the sky is an odd shade of gray, blue, green all swirled together...and the air is sticky. There was a breeze though, so it felt good to be outside. Chris was digging up some old shrubs, and I had gone out to tell him something. He jerked this bush up out of the ground and here comes this awful brown and lime green leapster, headed straight for me! I swear it was trying to kill me. The green demon was speedy-quick, but I was like a lightning bolt getting away to the front porch. Screaming all the while. The thing was a monster. Huge. At least as big as my hand. Long, skinny legs. Bulging eyes. OMG my blood pressure is raised just thinking about it.

While I survived the attack today, it has me very worried about the endeavor that hubs and I will be working on very soon. A garden. I had a very small one last year, and did not see a single amphibian the entire spring/summer. Given my experiences in this house...I think that may not be the case with this garden. I am afraid frogly things will abound. Sigh.

Even though this post was not about something joyful for me, it did make my husband and daughter laugh, so I am linking up with Lisa and Kevin at JoyfulJones for Joyful Moments.

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  1. I am visiting from Joyful Jones. Oh my goodness. Frogs...ewww. I am not as freaked about them but you should see my family laugh at me when I see a garter sanke or a mouse!!! ;) hehe. I did get joy out of reading your post!

  2. Ewww gross but humorous! I'm looking forward to hearing about your garden. Amphibian free or not?

  3. Here's hoping the garden adventure will be free from those hopping monsters. I imagine the planting and harvesting will be some of my joyful moments in the future!

    Snakes and mice make me squeal, as every girl should when faced with the little creatures, but not with the heart-stopping fear that frogs instill!

  4. While it's funny, I had a similar experience with frogs inside the house while I was living in Brazil. Eeek! :)

  5. I love love love your style! I attempted a post like yours about spiders awhile ago, but I felt too traumatized to even properly write it -definitely a whimpers and vomit moment.

  6. Thanks everyone for the comments and for visiting. So far, I haven't had any frogly encounters (was very fearful of one yesterday at recess duty) since the last dastardly attack!

  7. Omg I laughed the whole time I was reading this. I have a friend who is terrified of frogs, too. I have to laugh at her though, because she works at an animal rescue shelter--with scary things like cougars and wolves. She randomly texts me pics of herself at work. The other day I got a pic of her practically hugging a lion... but she FREAKS OUT if a frog gets anywhere near her!

    Also, thanks so much for your comment on my blog the other day :)

    Meara at Not Twenty-Seven Yet

  8. Meara, I can sympathize with your friend. I would face a wolf, cougar, shark...before a frog. She and I could probably trade horror stories all day!

    Thanks for the visit and follow! Have a great finish to the week!


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